Walter Wednesdays - November 15, 2023
Walter Fact: "Scam Likely" is a psyop, answer the phone.
Speaking of Tweaking - Tweaker of the Week
Speaking of Tweaking, Florida, god bless it, will now be hosting the “Florida Man Games.” It might not have the glamor of the Olympics but organizers have called it “the most insane athletic showdown on Earth,” and I believe them. The event will be held in St. Augustine Florida in February and will include the Evading Arrest Obstacle Course where contestants jump over fences and through yards while being chased by real police officers, the Category 5 Cash Grab which will be a wind-blowing booth filled with cash, and beer-belly wrestling which I don’t think I need or want to elaborate on.
“This isn’t just a competition; it’s a one-of-a-kind Floridian spectacle!” organizers said on the games’ website. Yes, they have a website this is a legit competition. Tickets are $45 but VIP tickets are $145 and are already sold out.
So mark your calendars for February 24, you don’t want to miss the antics of our beer-loving, mullet-wearing friends in Florida.
What’s Walter Thinking About?
How y’all can’t stop touching shit. Why am I clocking in and my caulk gun is gone? Who just goes around touching another man’s caulk? Jokes about that unfortunately named material, make sure you lock your toolboxes because those 8 and 13 ratcheting wrenches won’t last long. What prompted this, you may ask. Well, NASA astronauts Jasmin Moghbeli and Loral O’Hara dropped their toolbox (I don’t know how you drop something in zero gravity but whatever) while on a spacewalk and now it is orbiting the Earth at 17,000mph.
Okay, I’ll say it, I don’t think it’s a great idea to leave the aliens our tools, they’re going to dismantle everything. Well, I suppose if they’ve achieved the ability to travel millions of light-years they probably have some type of a socket-wrench already. The point is, lock your shit people.
Today in History
1777 - After debating for 16 months, the Continental Congress approved the Articles of Confederation.
1806 - Lieutenant Zebulon Pike spotted a mountain now named Pikes Peak in his honor.
1917 - Eduskunta declared itself the supreme state power of Finland and declared independence from Russia.
1920 - The first assembly of the League of Nations is held in Geneva, Switzerland.
1920 - The Free City of Danzig was established.
1933 - Thailand held its first election.
1955 - The first part of the Saint Petersburg Metro was opened.
1966 - Gemini 12 completed its final mission and splashed safely in the Atlantic Ocean.
1969 - 250,000 - 500,000 protesters staged a demonstration in Washington, D.C. against the Vietnam War.
1971 - Intel released the 4004, the world’s first commercial single-chip microprocessor.
1979 - A package from the Unabomber began smoking the cargo hold of a flight from Chicago to Washington, D.C. forcing the plane to land.
1985 - A research assistant was injured after a package from the Unabomber exploded at the University of Michigan.
1988 - An independent State of Palestine was proclaimed by the Palestinian National Council.
2001 - Microsoft launched the Xbox.
2012 - Xi Jinping becomes General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party.
2013 - Sony released the PlayStation 4.
2022 - The world population unfortunately hit 8 billion, good luck finding any parking.
“Did you make me to forsake me? Or am I truly the chosen one?” - Set To Stun The Holy Mountain 3:17